I Stopped Being A Person For 12 Hours This Weekend: The Overwhelming Allure Of The YouTube Dissociation Hole

    Okay, this post has a long and dramatic title only because I wanted to make a long and dramatic title. But it's still true. I had a hard week last week and I knew I'd need to take some time to relax on the weekend. I did have some things to do, but I had a mental health episode the night before and didn't take time to schedule the next day on a calendar. Also, because of the mental health episode, I'd gone to bed at 3 am. So I wasn't exactly in an excellent state for being productive and resisting urges. 

    Now we introduce the second character: the YouTube dissociation hole. The YouTube dissociation hole has plagued me pretty much since I started seriously watching YouTube as a teenager. I don't think it happens to everyone, but for me, watching YouTube while simultaneously playing a mobile game hits a perfect level of stimulation that lets me have no thoughts and be entirely occupied, while also not feeling overwhelmed. That means it's very easy to just start watching YouTube in order to escape my problems and end up there for hours, occasionally vaguely wishing I could do something else but not able to stop either. Me having a dissociative disorder probably makes it worse. The YouTube dissociation hole generally only stops if my feelings of anxiety or self loathing get so intense that I can overcome it, which is unfortunate (why can't good feelings be enough to get me out of a bad habit for once?) 

    Anyway, on Saturday morning I woke up, realized I had nothing technically planned, and immediately started watching YouTube. I did eat and stuff, but it was still all while I was on YouTube. That's not super weird, I used to have a lot of days like that before I started deciding to work on these issues. But what struck me this particular time is how much it felt like I stopped existing that day. I do live with my family so I ate dinner with them, but other than that, I did literally nothing other than exist in the YouTube dissociation hole. I don't think humans are required to be productive to be worthwhile, and I believe rest is important, but YouTube doesn't feel like rest to me. It feels completely satisfying when I am using it, but afterwards I usually am miserable. I didn't speak to any friends, do any chores that I needed to do, or work on any hobbies. And I certainly don't remember any of the YouTube videos I watched during that time. So I basically just chose to fast forward to Sunday, and it wasn't as though there was any particular reason I would want to skip forward. It's scary to me that, if I don't put up any resistance, the thing my brain will choose to do by default is stop existing for a while. And it's even scarier that I felt like that was normal for such a long period of time. But, I am glad that I am able to start recognizing it now so that I can do something about it.

Do The Hard Thing

Hey.

I know you probably got to this blog because you were searching for productivity tips. Or maybe even tips for technology addiction. You have something you know you need to do, and you aren't doing it. And you're hoping the next article, the next post, the next podcast, is going to give you the push you need.

You aren't going to find anything. There are strategies that might help, sure. But there is no magic internet advice that is going to make you do the thing. And looking for help is just a form of procrastination that helps you feel like you're doing the thing.

So, if it isn't going to get any easier, you're going to have to do something hard. Your brain is going to fight you about it, it's going to convince you there must be some way you can optimize this task, or maybe if you take a break you'll start feeling ready in 30 minutes. There isn't and you won't. So make this article your last article. Close this tab. Close the other tabs you've been using to procrastinate. Close your computer if necessary. And go do the thing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Okay, you're still here. So maybe you really do need help. I'll give you a series of steps to do the thing. But I am trusting you that you'll actually do them. If you just read them, you're wasting more of your time.

 1. Stand up.

    Sometimes standing up is really hard, but it's important. It gives you a first task to accomplish, and tells your brain that it's time to change activities. You don't have to go anywhere just yet.

2. Get a pen and paper.

 

    Any writing implement, anything to write on. If you have to, you can just open notepad on your computer, but that would kind of defeat the purpose of standing up.

 

3. Think of the first step you'd need to do to start the thing.

 

    If there's a variety of steps you could take, you have to decide on one*. For example, if I need to call the doctor, maybe the first step I decide to take is finding the number of the doctor. If I want to use my phone less, maybe the first step I decide to take is blocking time wasting apps.

 

*Sometimes, it's not doing the thing that's hard, it's the decisions you have to make about how to do the thing that are hard. I'm sorry, but this article just isn't written for that particular challenge. 

 

4. Subdivide that step into more manageable steps.

 

    To find the doctor's number, I would need to get the password for my health services platform, log in, and look for contact information. To block time wasting apps, I would need to download a blocking app, find out what I'm spending my phone time on, and actually create the blocks.  
 

5. Continue if the first of your subdivided steps still feels unmanageable.

    For calling the doctor, let's say I still feel very stressed at the prospect of getting the password. To get the password, I might need to turn on my computer, open my browser, log in to my password vault, and copy the password. Maybe turning on my computer feels a lot more manageable to me. For blocking time wasting apps, there are a lot out there and I might not be sure which one to choose. So I would need to open my the app store, spend a few minutes looking through blocking apps, pick one that looks good, and test it out. Opening the app store probably feels less overwhelming.
 

6. Take the first step. 

 

    You've come to the problem at the start of the article again. You've made the first step as easy as possible, but you still have to be the one to do it. Hopefully, it feels possible now. 

 

 

Did this article help you do a thing? Tell me what it was below!